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Common Questions About Open Adoption
How much contact is involved in an open adoption?
There is no 'one size fits all' with open
adoption. You, along with the adoptive parents, will have to decide what
works best for you and your child. The frequency of visits
(and other forms of communication) is going to vary based on the
feelings and desires of the people involved. One birthmother may see her
child quite often if she lives in the same state as her child and
adoptive family, while another may only see her child once a year due to
the great distance between them. Another birthmother may want to see her
child every few months because it makes her feel good to see her child
healthy and happy, while another may only want very infrequent visits
because it is all she can handle at that point in time.
Can the adoptive parents close the adoption at any time?
Unfortunately, once
you have signed papers terminating your parental rights you no longer
have any rights to your child. The adoptive parents have say over how
and when contact will occur. Some states do have written post-contact
agreements. But oftentimes, they can be hard to enforce.
Will open adoption be confusing to my child?
Some believe
that open adoption is confusing to the adoptee. But in actuality, if
open adoption is child-centered and the birth and adoptive parents have
a healthy, loving relationship, it can actually be beneficial to the
child - removing the mystery of biological connections and allowing the
child to have a higher sense of self. You will also be there
to provide your child with answers to any questions he / she may
eventually have about why you chose adoption. You can also provide a
direct link to any family medical information as it is needed over the years.
And you can also help foster a relationship between any other children
you may be parenting now or in the future.
Is open adoption the same as co-parenting?
Some people see
open adoption as co-parenting. But co-parenting is defined as sharing
parenting decisions, financial responsibilities, and physical custody of
a child with another person. Birthmothers do not do that. Once a mother
terminates her parental rights, the adoptive parents take on all
responsibilities as if the child were born to them. This includes
day-to-day parenting decisions, all financial responsibility, and
physical custody.
Can my extended family be involved in my open adoption?
One of the positives in making an open adoption plan is that it can be
customized in ways that the birth and adoptive parents are both
comfortable with. For example, you and the adoptive parents can agree to
future involvement with your extended family members (such as the baby's
grandparents).
What will my child call me?
This is something you will
need to discuss with your child's adoptive parents, as it typically
varies. But the most common answer to this question is your first name.
Some birthmothers and adoptive parents have decided upon names like
'madre', which means mother in Spanish.