Waiting is hard
Pretty quickly after meeting, we knew we were meant to be together for the rest of our lives, and there was never a question that we wanted children. For us, family and togetherness is everything, and having least two kids was something we instantly agreed upon. We spent two years learning each other and making sure we developed a very strong foundation of friendship and a true partnership before embarking on the journey of parenthood. At the end of year two, we decided it was time to figure out what our next steps were as far as having children. From the very beginning, adoption was the path we assumed we’d take. Firstly, because we wanted to adopt, and secondly because we were in our late 30’s, and well, biology.
We were curious if it would be possible to conceive, so we got all the test done in the span of about 3 months and quickly learned we’d need to go through the process of IVF to have a natural child. That’s all we needed to learn to put away the idea of a biological baby, and without hesitation, we set our sights on adoption. All respect goes to those who go the IVF route, but we knew that was not for us. We felt in our hearts that it confirmed what we already knew, that our children would become ours through adoption. I shared in an earlier post about the process we went through choosing our adoption agency, so I won’t go into those details. Rather, I’ll just tell you about the emotional journey.
Daniel and I are born nurturers - it’s in our DNA. We are simply wired that way. We nurture each other, we pour our love into our dog and our nieces and nephews like none other! We talk about our future baby every single day. We imagine what it will be like to be 100% solely responsible for this little being. We talk about what it will be like parenting older children, discipline styles, and parenting philosophies. We learn from our many friends and families as they walk through the different ages and stages of their kid’s childhoods and their own, as parents.
It’s odd, this process of adopting, because we’re expecting, just like parents who are going through pregnancy, but we don’t know for how long our ‘pregnancy’ will last. Could be a few more months, could be a year, or more, (Dear God, please let it not be that long!). So far, we’re on month 10 since we officially signed with our adoption agency, but it feels more like we’re more on month 13, because our hearts have been intentionally expecting for that long. Now - there are families who go through years and years of heartbreak with infertility, or waiting for an adoption to go through - so I know that we are not the only ones to hurt walking down this challenging path. We don’t believe in comparative suffering, but it’s important to acknowledge the pain others have experienced. That said, waiting is hard.
Emotionally, mentally and physically, we are so ready to love and bring up our baby. We’re ready for the sleepless nights, for the bags under our eyes, for a messy house, incessant crying, explosive poops, the barfing, and the burping. We’re so ready for all the hard stuff, and we’re ready to be shocked by how ‘not ready’ we we really were! We’re also ready for the good stuff. Sweet snuggles, peaceful naps, first smiles, first giggles, first solids, first steps and first words. We’re ready to experience the utter joy of loving our baby together, and the ultimate heartbreak when some day, approximately 18 years later, we’ll have to let that baby go - and everything in between. That’s the whole job right? To give a child everything he/she needs so one day, they can go out into the world and make it a better place with the unique gifts and talents only they possess. That’s our goal, anyway. We’re so ready to give it our all. And yet…we are entirely out of control of when and how it will all happen. So, every day, we take a deep breath, we whisper our frustrations, prayers and hopes to God, and we live in the mystery and the unknowing, and we are ok.
(Photo: Daniel and our nephew Guy contemplating their Connect 4 move)