Adoptimist Adoption Blog
September 5, 2014

Stereotypes And Misconceptions About Birthmothers 



There are many stereotypes, myths, and misconceptions out there about birthmothers and expectant mothers considering adoption. This is due, at least in part, to the portrayal of birthmothers in movies (such as Juno), books (like Girls in Trouble by Caroline Leavitt) , and television shows (Glee and several soap operas over the years). These stereotypes of birthmothers often negatively affect the general public and even some within the adoption community. And because birthmothers were forced or shamed into silence for so long, there are many misconceptions regarding them as well.  

Let’s take a closer look at some of the most common stereotypes, myths, and misconceptions concerning birthmothers and women making adoption plans. 

• All birthmothers are teenagers. I think this stereotype began as a result of the Baby Scoop Era when unwed birthmothers were often forced into hiding at maternity homes or an aunt’s house states away, then forced by their parents to give up their babies for adoption. Today, things have really changed. Many expectant mothers are in their early twenties or older and often already have a child they are parenting.

• Birthmothers don’t love or want their children. It’s important to remember that an unplanned pregnancy doesn’t necessarily equal an unwanted pregnancy. Just as a married couple facing an unplanned pregnancy can welcome and embrace their child, an expectant mother considering adoption can also love and want the best for her baby too.

• After placing her child for adoption, a birthmother will “move on” and forget about her child.  This is completely false! Even those Baby Scoop Era birthmoms still thought of their children often. I assure you that, although he is not with me, I think of my (placed) son every single day. Certain days, like his birthday, Mother’s Day, and other holidays are harder than less special ones.

• If a birthmother hadn’t made an adoption plan, she would have aborted her child. Most of the birthmothers I know and counsel didn’t even seriously consider abortion. For most birthmothers, abortion is a reproductive choice while adoption is a parenting choice. If we hadn’t placed our children, we would have parented them.

• Birthmothers would have been bad mothers. Most of the birthmothers I know, myself included, would have been excellent mothers to our placed children had we only had the necessary resources and/or support. I didn’t place my child because I thought I would be a bad mother. I placed my child because I felt I couldn’t give me son everything he deserved at that time in my life.

• Birthmothers place their children for adoption because it is the easy way out. Adoption is not an easy option or an easy way out. There is a lifetime of pain associated with adoption for a birthmother. There is nothing easy about dealing with that type of grief and pain on a daily basis.


About The Author


Coley Strickland

Nicole “Coley” Strickland has become a strong voice for expectant mothers and birthmothers. At the age of 25, she became a birthmother, lovingly placing her three-day-old baby boy into an open adoption and the arms of his adoptive parents. She and fellow birthmother Leilani Wood went on to found BirthMom Buds, a website and nonprofit organization that provides support to birthmothers.

Coley has further given a voice to the bittersweet turmoil of birthmothers, becoming an active member of the adoption community, writing, speaking and sharing her story with others. In addition to her numerous blogs, she has also been featured on a number of radio programs, magazine and newspaper articles, as well as in the books: How to Create a Successful Adoption Portfolio by Madeleine Melcher and A Personal Touch on Adoption by Peter Berlin. In addition to her many other roles, Coley has been blessed to parent her special needs son Noah, who along with the son she placed, is the love of her life.

Visit Coley's site at www.birthmombuds.com
You can email Coley at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

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The Adoptimist blog features advice, tips, and inspiration for adoptive parents who are actively pursuing adoption connections online.

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