Adoptimist Adoption Blog
March 1, 2016

Simple Ways To Remember And Honor Your Child’s Birth Mother

“What are your favorite colors?” my son’s new mother asked me one week before I gave birth to our son. Of all the questions that I expected to hear from her, that was not one of them! A week later when I placed my precious baby boy into her arms, she handed me a beautiful necklace with a “special” charm, a dark brown teddy bear with a pink, heart-shaped bellybutton and a photo album that she handmade…with my favorite colors.

After twenty-three years and numerous broken gold chains, I haven’t lost the charm she gave me. The teddy bear sits on my bed and that beautiful, handmade photo album is on display in my home. On the most difficult day of my life, she made sure that I felt, well, “special.” And she continues to remember me on our son’s birthday, Mother’s Day and other days that are often difficult for birthmothers.

After making what may be the most painful choice of her life, a birthmother can feel forgotten and insignificant. Remembering her and being proactive in your relationship with her speaks volumes.  Showing her that she matters to you, even in the smallest acts, can make a world of difference. Call her on her birthday. Send her a card when she graduates. Post a kind word about her on your Facebook page for others to read. Send a quick text for no reason but to tell her you’re thinking about her. I recently heard about an adoptive mother who set up a video chat/pancake breakfast with her child’s birthmother and their child the Saturday before Mother’s Day. Together, they were able to celebrate the life of a very precious toddler and the two mothers who love him.

My son’s mother has done other things over the years to show me that I am not forgotten. I received a clipping from our son’s first haircut, numerous videotapes of milestones in his life, quick text messages letting me know that she’s thinking of me and even requests for prayer when our boy was struggling. There has never been a doubt in my mind that I am remembered, appreciated and loved. My son’s adoptive mother is proactive. Are you?

About The Author

Jan Collins

Jan Collins is the founder of The Birthmother Wellness Institute. She is a well-seasoned speaker, a birthmother wellness consultant for mental health professionals and faith communities and a voice for birthmothers across the country. She earned her Master's Degree in Social Work from Baylor University and completed her research and analysis on the long-term impact of relinquishment on birthmothers. Jan has had the privilege of sharing her story and research on radio programs, adoption webinars nation-wide, birthmother retreats and as a guest blogger for several adoption blogs.

In addition to her professional repertoire, she is also the birthmother of a 23 year old son that she placed for adoption at birth. Jan personally understands the profound grief, confusion and conflicting emotions that can occur from placing a child for adoption. Through her workshops, Jan equips others to better care for birthmothers in their professional practices, faith groups and communities. She currently resides in Milwaukee, Wisconsin but claims Chicago as her home.

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About This Adoption Blog

The Adoptimist blog features advice, tips, and inspiration for adoptive parents who are actively pursuing adoption connections online.

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