In life, there are many things that other people will have and you don’t.—There are many life lessons that can be taught on this scenario to all ages. For kids, most of the time it’s an object (toy, ball, pen, etc) or an ability to go some where ( a local attraction, a vacation, etc.).
For our sweet Olivia, what she wants is neither an object or a special outing. What she’s wanting is a little human; a little sissy.——Her want is not just shared by her alone; it’s truly a want both Jaime and I are praying will be answered. And for our 6 year old, the waiting time and complexity is pretty challenging to comprehend. In her mind, all we’re asking for is or our family to become a party of four. How hard can it really be?.
We have gone thru the most obvious stages with Olivia and thank goodness the various scenarios are rarely on the same day. I think we would be in trouble trying to find the right words for all the possible scenarios for a 6 year old to understand. The cutest by far and the one that had Jaime and I chuckle was ; “Mommy, can’t we just go to the store and buy a Sissy?—You have money.”. You can see where her thought process is going with this one. We want or need something, we go to the store and buy it. My response to her was, “Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. Mommy and Daddy wish it was. We have to go thru a process.”.
Her next thought process was why don’t I have a baby in my belly like some of her friend’s mommies. That one is always tough for me to answer because she doesn’t know the full-story of her big brother in Heaven. She knows that her brother is with God and visit his niche in a special chapel. She doesn’t know that I delivered him stillborn at 20 or so weeks.—Definitely a difficult conversation we will have with her, just just not right now. We will keep the conversation basic.
When I explained to her that there are two others ways for a family to have a baby; adoption and surrogacy. Our initial preference would be to just explain adoption and wait to explain surrogacy until she was much older. However, our close friend is a surrogate for her brother’s family. We know both families families really well and we felt like we need to have the conversation with Olivia since she was going to see our friend at all stages of her pregnancy. Jaime said I would be the best one to explain it to her, so I took a deep breathe and started. I told her there are some Mommies that cannot have a baby in their tummy for whatever reason. The Mommy then asks a very nice lady if she can hold the Mommy and Daddy’s baby in her tummy. When the baby is born, the nice lady gives the baby to his/her Mommy and Daddy. She understood the concept of surrogacy enough to ask a couple of heart wrenching questions: (1) Mommy, can Aunt Kika (our friend) hold your baby in her tummy? (2) Why does Tidus get to be a big brother first and not me? Tough questions and it showed me that she understood the general concepts of surrogacy.
Her questions transitioned nicely into me explaining adoption to her. I told her there is another way for families to have a baby and this is the process we’re going to follow; it’s called adoption. I explained to her that there are Mommies that have babies in their tummies and these Mommies are looking for special families to give the biggest blessing too. I told her that God hears all our prayers asking for a baby Sissy, and He also hears the prayers for a pregnant mommies looking for a good family to place their babies with. God then works in His ways to bring the the two together. I told her that we have to be patient and continue to say our prayers for a baby Sissy. God will answer them. We just have to continue to believe. I asked her if she believed that she would be a big sister and with full confidence she replied with a yes. I told her that Mommy and Daddy did as well.
Fast forward a couple of weeks, and Jaime and I received a small glimpse of Olivia’s understanding of adoption. At Olivia’s school’s open house last week, Jaime over heard one of Olivia’s friends questioning Olivia about her baby sister. My guess is her friend didn’t see me pregnant and then questioned if she was lying or not. Jaime said she replied with, “You’ll have to wait and be patient.”. She tells everyone she knows, and then for a split second there is an awkward moment when Jaime and I are around. They look at me and we quickly respond “We’re looking to adopt.”. Everyone is always so excited for us, and it initiates a whole new topic of conversation.
The picture is of a onsie that Olivia asked to buy for Sissy when we made a stop at a Bucees Gas Station on a recent road trip. If you have never heard of Bucees, you have to look it up. It’s a gas station and convenient store on steroids (Oh and they have the nicest and cleanest bathrooms you will ever find at a gas station).