Adoptimist Adoption Blog
August 16, 2016

Unplanned Does Not Necessarily Equal Unwanted 

Even nowadays as adoption is becoming more accepted and talked about, there is still a stigma that children who are placed for adoption are unwanted. This is untrue and just another adoption myth and stereotype regarding birth mothers, their feelings about their children, and why they chose adoption.

Just because a woman is considering adoption or a birth mother made an adoption plan 3 months, 3 years, or even 30 years ago, doesn’t mean she loves her child any less than the mom painting her nursery pink down the street or the adoptive mom who just brought home her baby boy from the hospital hanging a celebratory blue bow on her mailbox.

I wasn’t trying to get pregnant with my son who I placed for adoption. I didn’t want to get pregnant at that time in my life, which is why I was on birth control in the first place. When I found out I was pregnant, it was completely unexpected and unplanned. The second I found out I was pregnant with my son I fell held over heels in love with him and I wanted him.

Sure, there were times throughout the pregnancy that I thought why couldn’t this have happened a few years later when my life was in order and I was ready to parent. But the circumstances were what they were, and wishful thinking wouldn’t change that.  

Although I didn’t plan to be pregnant at that time, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t want and love my baby. I loved my baby with every piece of my heart. I spent many sleepless nights tossing and turning wondering what would be the best decision for my unborn baby. And once I decided to make an open adoption plan, I chose the family, I asked them questions, and I got to know them over the duration of my pregnancy. I did all those things because I loved my baby. Once my son was born, I spent precious time with him telling him how much he was loved and wanted.

And now, even though it’s hard at times, I maintain an open adoption relationship with my son and his family. Just because my pregnancy was unplanned and he was ultimately placed for adoption, doesn’t mean that he was unwanted or is unloved.

About The Author

Coley Strickland

Nicole “Coley” Strickland has become a strong voice for expectant mothers and birthmothers. At the age of 25, she became a birthmother, lovingly placing her three-day-old baby boy into an open adoption and the arms of his adoptive parents. She and fellow birthmother Leilani Wood went on to found BirthMom Buds, a website and nonprofit organization that provides support to birthmothers.

Coley has further given a voice to the bittersweet turmoil of birthmothers, becoming an active member of the adoption community, writing, speaking and sharing her story with others. In addition to her numerous blogs, she has also been featured on a number of radio programs, magazine and newspaper articles, as well as in the books: How to Create a Successful Adoption Portfolio by Madeleine Melcher and A Personal Touch on Adoption by Peter Berlin. In addition to her many other roles, Coley has been blessed to parent her special needs son Noah, who along with the son she placed, is the love of her life.

Visit Coley's site at
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About This Adoption Blog

The Adoptimist blog features advice, tips, and inspiration for adoptive parents who are actively pursuing adoption connections online.

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