Adoptimist Adoption Blog
August 10, 2016

Five Reasons You Should STOP Trying To Adopt


If you are trying to adopt, there are going to be days filled with excitement and days filled with discouragement. Most things worth waiting for are. I had many breakdowns waiting to adopt: I wasn’t prepared for how long it was going to take, and there were many days when I was like “Screw this, I’m out.” I didn’t bail though, I hung on.

If, however, someone had told me what my life was going to be like AFTER we picked up our kid, I might have reconsidered! 😀

Below are my 5 reasons you should STOP trying to adopt, and stop today:

1. You need your sleep: The minute a child enters the house, I don’t care how old he is, you will never sleep the same way again. You have someone you’re responsible for now, so all bets are off. There will be nights, especially in the beginning, when they need something all the time. They will need you less and less during the nighttime hours as they grow older, but still, they’re there. They’re in your house and in your care, so you’re on call all the time, no matter what. Sleep tight!

2. You like having a lot of money. BUH-BYE. Say it with me: “Bye, money!!!” It’s been real, and it’s been fun. It’s been REAL FUN, but we must now say good-bye because I have to share you with others. Forget the cost of adoption itself (not fun), it’s all the money requirements that come AFTER. Kids need everything. EVERYTHING! And what does that mean? Less for you!

3. You want to maintain your youth. There will be days when you feel old. OLD. Old and beat up. Same as if you had a biological kid. I have both a bio kid and an adopted kid and they beat me down equally. They whine, they cry, they argue, they talk back, they test boundaries, they annoy. They are all-consuming, exhausting little people and every morning I wake up feeling every single bit of my age, and more.

4. You want free time. This one probably depends on whether or not you have an additional job besides the job of being a parent, but regardless of what your profession is (Stay-At-Home-Parent or SAHP + career) your free time is going to be more limited. There’s not a lot of lounging with a kid around. Kids don’t allow that. Free time will be earned, and random moments will be stolen (usually in a closet with a bottle of cake frosting or chips or both).

5. You value your privacy. You can toss your privacy in the same place where you tossed your money because that’s where it’s going. The rumors are true, my friend. Once a kid starts walking, it’s over. From bathroom time to sexy time, they do NOT care. If they want you (and they always do) they’re coming in. You have locks on your doors? Please! They’re not scared of those stupid built-in door knob locks!

But here’s the thing: If you don’t adopt, you’re going to miss out. You’re going to miss out on having a family. A family, yo! You and your spouse, or your partner, or just you, or whatever. You’re going to start a FAMILY and BE a family!

Yes, it’s rough at times, all five examples above ROUGH. But for every time you get woken up, a parental instinct will kick in and you will rally because it’s your child and she needs you. Your wallet will be thinner (a lot), but the things you buy will have more meaning. Your body will feel old, but your mind will be sharp because you’re teaching—you’re teaching your child, all the time. Your free time will be limited, but when you do get it, you will enjoy it, because you earned it, even if you do spend it buying maximum security entrance door locks and deadbolts.

But if your reason for bailing on adoption is the same as the one I had: lack of patience, get past it. Your adoption is meant to be, it will happen. The call will come when it’s supposed to. Your family is still in the making and it’s going to be amazing. You just have to get past all the things holding you back and hold on.


About The Author


Robyn Coden

Robyn Coden is the straight-shooting, dessert-eating, mistake-making voice behind “Dim Sum & Doughnuts,” a blog that focuses on parenting, growing up and Robyn’s life with her husband and children at their summer camp in Northern Michigan. Robyn is the mother of one adopted daughter and one biological daughter. You never know what you’re going to get with Robyn—sometimes controversial, sometimes comedic, but always a voice that’s powerfully honest and entertaining.

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About This Adoption Blog

The Adoptimist blog features advice, tips, and inspiration for adoptive parents who are actively pursuing adoption connections online.

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