There are many hot topic issues in the adoption community, as well as laws and procedures that some feel need to be changed. Today, I want to focus on a procedure I feel needs to be changed from my perspective as a birthmother and that is signing relinquishment papers.  First, I do want to say the laws surrounding relinquishment vary from state to state. The laws pertaining to your situation may be different. However, I know other... Read more…

When I was pregnant and making an adoption plan, I didn’t give much thought to how I would feel hearing my son call someone else Mom. This is not often discussed with adoption professionals prior to placing a child for adoption. Some birthmoms (myself included) are blindsided with emotions when it first happens. Although I didn’t give it a ton of thought, I knew in the back of my mind that as a birthmom participating in an open adoption, one day I would hear... Read more…

A placed child’s birthday is one of the hardest days for birthmothers. For me personally, it is a bittersweet day mixed with joy and sadness. I’m joyous for the life I brought into this world, but I’m sad for the loss of my motherhood to my sweet son. As my son’s birthday gets close, I find myself thinking about and reliving everything that happened leading up to his birth and those three precious days we spent together in... Read more…

Grief is a natural sense of sadness we experience anytime a major loss occurs in our lives. Birthmother grief is unique. I call it unique because it is unlike most other grief. Typically, when we think of grieving over someone, it is usually someone who has passed on. With birthmother grief, you are grieving the loss of your everyday parenting to a child who is still living, just with different people. After carrying her baby for 9 months, a birthmother... Read more…

In a recent post I wrote about the first post-placement visit with my (placed) son. This got me thinking about visits in general, beyond the first visit. Open adoption visits can be great. You are able to spend time and connect with your child and talk with the parents to learn how your child is doing. However, at the same... Read more…

Even nowadays as adoption is becoming more accepted and talked about, there is still a stigma that children who are placed for adoption are unwanted. This is untrue and just another adoption myth and stereotype regarding birth mothers, their feelings about their children, and why they chose adoption. Just because a woman is considering adoption or a birth... Read more…

I was going through some old photos recently and came across a snapshot of my very first post-placement visit with my son. I sat for a few minutes staring at that photo, automatically transported back in time nearly fifteen years ago. I was just 25 years old holding my two-week old son, sitting on his adoptive parents’ couch.  I remember the anxiety ridden days leading up to that first visit like it was yesterday. I had all kinds of crazy... Read more…

As I was finishing up my recent post about making a hospital plan, I began to think about something that isn’t talked about often − the possibility the expectant mother will change her mind and choose to parent. This possibility is sometimes tiptoed around because people are afraid if they mention it, it will happen. As someone who has made an adoption plan, I can assure you hearing it mentioned won’t put the idea there. It... Read more…

In open adoptions where there is ongoing contact between adoptive parents and birthmothers, it’s important to support and remember your child’s birthmother. There are ways that you as an adoptive parent can be thoughtful throughout the years that will make your child’s birth mom feel loved and involved. • Honor your commitments. If you promised to send pictures once a month, email once a week, visit every three months, etc., through a Read more…

One of the biggest culminations of any pregnancy is the labor, birth of the baby, and the hospital experience. This is no different for a mother making an adoption plan. However, I do think this can be much more difficult, as there are so many different emotions involved. And the mother knows that the hospital is the beginning of the end of her time with her baby.
 Here are some things to think about as you prepare for the birth of your baby: • Don’t feel like you need to... Read more…